The GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY!

They are small.  They are energetic.  They have your number.  They know the real you.  They see the “you” the world may never see.   We all wear masks to some degree.  We all attempt to present our best face when in public, but it is impossible to wear a mask or keep up our best face 24/7.  So our children know us without a mask, without pretense.  They see "behind the scenes": the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

"The Good" can consist of the days we feel extremely energetic and invite the children in the kitchen to make chocolate chip cookies or pizza.  I remember coming home from school when I was eight or nine years old and seeing my Mother sitting in the middle of the vacant lot next to our home.  This was really strange.   As I got off the school bus and walked across the Snook's yard toward the vacant lot I realized she was actually building a rock fort.  She must have spent the entire day hauling large rocks from the vacant lot and had made a floor and built walls out of rocks.  It was not very large and the walls were less than two feet high but it was definitely "good" as far as my brother and I were concerned.  We had a fort, not just any fort but a rock fort.  She had even left an opening that served as a door.  To this day I remember how excited and surprised we were.  My Mother has probably forgotten the day she spent hauling rocks and designing a luxury fort for her children, but that example of selflessness has stuck with me throughout my life.  I am sure we all can think of times someone did something special for us; so as Mothers our goal is too create those "good" memories for our children.

"The Bad" can consist of a child getting a life threatening disease, you or your spouse losing your job, or any trial that challenges your faith and destroys your hope.  Challenges are difficult enough; but when you have a small group of children observing your reactions it can be very stressful.  My husband was diagnosed with cancer when my youngest was six weeks old.  That was definitely "the bad" for me and my family.  I have to admit I lost faith and hope for a period of time and that trickled down to my children.  When the leader (Mom) loses her vision the tribe (children) follows that lead.  Two of my children were at very impressionable stages (Jr. High) and both have struggled to have a positive outlook.  I learned that I cannot rewrite history but I can encourage my children to persevere regardless of what life throws at them.  Interestingly enough those two children have grown into young adults that face life head on and both have the attitude of "never give up".  They were shaped by "the bad" but into something good!  So if you are facing "the bad" right now know that it will end.  You can survive and "the bad" can transform your family in a good way if you keep your faith and your hope.  

"The Ugly" is just that "ugly"!  It may be the time you lost your cool with your three year old or your children witnessed an ugly argument with your spouse.  It is the event that you wish you could erase or push a button and rewind history.  Unfortunately we cannot but we can do our best to not let the ugly event determine our future.  If you lost your temper once or twice it is not the end of the world but if it is a constant in your life, get help and get help quickly.  Ugly is a broad heading that covers a lot of behaviors we wish we were not capable of but the reality is we are human and as humans we fall.  But we only fail our children when we continue in "ugly" behavior; not if we learn from it.  Don't be afraid to apologize to your children.  They are little human beings and if they have been the target or victim or your behavior you need to apologize and stop the behavior or get help!

Dealing with "Mommy's Law"

Do you ever have days that you wonder, "Why did I get out of bed?"  I think everyone has those days; but Moms have the added stress of dealing with little ones on those days.  A two year old has no concept of a "bad" day!  They go about their day:  singing, skipping, and living life to the fullest.  While you just want a little peace and quiet.

Leaving your house to run errands can turn into a nightmare on those days you are struggling.  Just getting ready to go involves challenges:  finding shoes, hair ribbons, a hairbrush, favorite baseball cap/toy, or getting teeth brushed; all the tasks you do routinely when going somewhere with your child.  But on a "off" day or a low energy day these tasks are challenging and frustrating.  You just want your child to find their shoes and they are nowhere to be found.  If you’re running late the stress level skyrockets for everyone; forget "Murphy's Law" you are now operating under "Mommy's Law" -- If you are late your child will be uncooperative.

By the time you have your child and/or children buckled in the car or car seats you may feel like crying.  But the fun does not end there.  You still must drive to your destination.  If you have never had the experience of driving with a fussy child and/or children on a "off" day emotionally be very thankful.  When you factor in traffic, a noisy child and a distraught Mom you have a recipe for disaster brewing within the confines of a small space.  How can you divert disaster?  Personally I am an advocate of a sound proof clear wall separating the driver from the passengers; but since that is not going to happen how can you cope?  

First of all remember they are only small children, there behavior is not a personal attack although it may feel personal.  I am not a fan of entertaining small children by placing them in front of a TV; but I am a fan of peace and quiet while I try to drive in traffic!  If you are able to purchase a DVD player for your car you will avoid numerous grey hairs popping out when traveling with children; whose sole goal is to get a response from you:  positive or negative. Add headphones to your shopping list (for the children not you) so you do not have to listen to the "Lion King" four hundred times. Garage sales are a good place to find affordable electronics. If you are like me and live in rural America shop online.  

Music does calm the "savage beast" or in this case the "savage child", so if you have kid friendly music now is the time to play it.  Personally I have every Disney song and Dr. Suess book memorized; an accomplishment that society may not value but a skill that has allowed me to raise seven children and remain relatively sane.  If you have older children bring along the Dr. Seuss books, even if your older child cannot read they can entertain younger children by making up stories or just looking at the pictures.   My children loved the "Where's Waldo" books in fact they loved them so much not one of the seven or eight Waldo books survived my children.  Another good option is any of the Usborne books "Things to Spot"  these are similar to the  "Where's Waldo" books but they are wonderfully illustrated books of animals, bugs, sea creatures and other fun subjects that list things to spot on each page.  To be honest these books are fun for the whole family.  We spent hours sitting on the couch trying to find that one last sea urchin.   These books did survive my children but they are held together by Texas glue:  Duct Tape.

Hungry or thirsty children are unhappy children so be prepared.  Convert an old diaper bag into your travel bag and grab a few juice boxes or bottled water before you head out the door.  You can keep Ziploc bags of cheerios, pretzels or every child's favorite "gold fish" in the bag; so if the TV, music and favorite toy does not work you can try snacks.

So when you are struggling and cannot avoid confinement in a small place with small loud human beings preparation on your good days will pay huge dividends.  If you "fail to plan" you "plan to fail" so pack your travel bag and equip your car with DVDs, CDs, books, toys and most importantly snacks!  You still may not be able to calm yourself or your child but at least you have a fighting chance.  Most of all remember they do grow up and as they get older you will have peace and quiet in the car because they will have on headphones listening to music and you may even long for the days that they wanted to "talk" to you.  They grow up fast so cherish the moments.

Cheerleader

When your children are young you are their cheerleader.  Cheering them on in baseball, basketball or any number of sports activities; encouraging them if they are artists, musicians or dancers.  Buying chemistry sets if they love science.  Scouring stores for detective books if they want to be one when they "grow up". As a Mom you will "freeze" as you sit on metal bleachers or every spring get the "baseball" sunburn.  This is the sunburn that happens when you forget sunscreen and you are stuck at a ballpark for eight hours.  It usually is on one side of your body and if you wear glasses you will look like an owl when you take them off.  You will stand in long, crowded, lines to buy the perfect gift.  As a Mom you feel this gift will help them achieve their goal on one day becoming that chemist, ballerina, artist, baseball player or fill in the blank.  You will stay up late in the night helping them complete school projects that they have had three months to do; but somehow forgot until the night before the project was due.  Why?  Why does a parent go the extra mile for a child?  Because we are driven by love, we may not be perfect, we may not have all the answers, we may not always have the money our children think they need, but we love our children!

Yesterday I started a blog called "Discouragement" and as I wrote it I too became discouraged.  I kept thinking why would anyone want to read this?  Who am I write a blog on parenting?  So I stopped writing and turned off my computer.  Last night I woke up at around 3:00 AM and could not sleep, so I took out my Kindle and looked at Facebook, read the news and still I could not sleep.  So I opened a book I bought called "Start" by Jon Acuff.  The reason I had bought this book was because my oldest daughter, Sarah, had encouraged me to read it. My daughter encouraged me!  She also encouraged me to write this blog.  In fact she set it up for me; interesting the same daughter that I encouraged, encouraged me.

As I read the book, which I highly recommend by the way, I realized that sometimes you just have to do what the author says:  START.  So this is my "Start".  But instead of just encouraging Moms, I will begin by introducing myself to you and my journey in Motherhood.  Then you can judge if my encouragement and dare I say "insight" is valid.  Since I have been married for thirty one years and have seven children I will write my story in a number of blogs. 

 But for today as you encourage your children realize this at some point they will become your cheerleader.  So as you invest encouragement in your children know this is one investment that pays great dividends.  Thank you Sarah for the encouragement and recommending "Start"!