The GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY!

They are small.  They are energetic.  They have your number.  They know the real you.  They see the “you” the world may never see.   We all wear masks to some degree.  We all attempt to present our best face when in public, but it is impossible to wear a mask or keep up our best face 24/7.  So our children know us without a mask, without pretense.  They see "behind the scenes": the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

"The Good" can consist of the days we feel extremely energetic and invite the children in the kitchen to make chocolate chip cookies or pizza.  I remember coming home from school when I was eight or nine years old and seeing my Mother sitting in the middle of the vacant lot next to our home.  This was really strange.   As I got off the school bus and walked across the Snook's yard toward the vacant lot I realized she was actually building a rock fort.  She must have spent the entire day hauling large rocks from the vacant lot and had made a floor and built walls out of rocks.  It was not very large and the walls were less than two feet high but it was definitely "good" as far as my brother and I were concerned.  We had a fort, not just any fort but a rock fort.  She had even left an opening that served as a door.  To this day I remember how excited and surprised we were.  My Mother has probably forgotten the day she spent hauling rocks and designing a luxury fort for her children, but that example of selflessness has stuck with me throughout my life.  I am sure we all can think of times someone did something special for us; so as Mothers our goal is too create those "good" memories for our children.

"The Bad" can consist of a child getting a life threatening disease, you or your spouse losing your job, or any trial that challenges your faith and destroys your hope.  Challenges are difficult enough; but when you have a small group of children observing your reactions it can be very stressful.  My husband was diagnosed with cancer when my youngest was six weeks old.  That was definitely "the bad" for me and my family.  I have to admit I lost faith and hope for a period of time and that trickled down to my children.  When the leader (Mom) loses her vision the tribe (children) follows that lead.  Two of my children were at very impressionable stages (Jr. High) and both have struggled to have a positive outlook.  I learned that I cannot rewrite history but I can encourage my children to persevere regardless of what life throws at them.  Interestingly enough those two children have grown into young adults that face life head on and both have the attitude of "never give up".  They were shaped by "the bad" but into something good!  So if you are facing "the bad" right now know that it will end.  You can survive and "the bad" can transform your family in a good way if you keep your faith and your hope.  

"The Ugly" is just that "ugly"!  It may be the time you lost your cool with your three year old or your children witnessed an ugly argument with your spouse.  It is the event that you wish you could erase or push a button and rewind history.  Unfortunately we cannot but we can do our best to not let the ugly event determine our future.  If you lost your temper once or twice it is not the end of the world but if it is a constant in your life, get help and get help quickly.  Ugly is a broad heading that covers a lot of behaviors we wish we were not capable of but the reality is we are human and as humans we fall.  But we only fail our children when we continue in "ugly" behavior; not if we learn from it.  Don't be afraid to apologize to your children.  They are little human beings and if they have been the target or victim or your behavior you need to apologize and stop the behavior or get help!