Sometimes There is a Story Behind the Painting

This is a painting I completed when I was pregnant with my first son, David.  I tend to move at warp speed so pregnancy always slowed me down.  I think I have a painting for each of my children.  So for those of you who are Moms expecting a child embrace the challenges of pregnancy.  Right now it is overwhelming and you may not have the energy to accomplish all your goals.  It was very difficult for me to slow down.  I did not embrace the challenges.  I was very frustrated and often discouraged but now I have seven beautiful children and seven paintings to go with the children!

My grandfather, Dewey Mack Cason, lived to be 92 years old. He was born in the year 1900 in Coleman County in Texas. We called him “Granddad” but he was known as “Red”. As a six year old boy he memorized poems and stories and since this was pre TV he became the entertainment at family gatherings. Young Dewey would recite Shakespeare. At 92 he would forget your name but was able to recite his “poems”. He was the ultimate story teller he had a story for every occasion.
Granddad lived in a time when Texas was wild and often lawless. He saw a man shot on a bridge when he was under 8 years old, it was a different era, a different time. This painting is my Granddad at 90 years old, there were no pictures of him as a young boy but I think he might have looked like this young boy. A boy who told stories and dreamed of faraway places while living in a difficult time that grew into a man who was loved by everyone who knew him, a man that knew how to tell a story!
http://shara-wright.artistwebsites.com/blogs/sometimes-there-is-a-story-behind-the-painting.html

The GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY!

They are small.  They are energetic.  They have your number.  They know the real you.  They see the “you” the world may never see.   We all wear masks to some degree.  We all attempt to present our best face when in public, but it is impossible to wear a mask or keep up our best face 24/7.  So our children know us without a mask, without pretense.  They see "behind the scenes": the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

"The Good" can consist of the days we feel extremely energetic and invite the children in the kitchen to make chocolate chip cookies or pizza.  I remember coming home from school when I was eight or nine years old and seeing my Mother sitting in the middle of the vacant lot next to our home.  This was really strange.   As I got off the school bus and walked across the Snook's yard toward the vacant lot I realized she was actually building a rock fort.  She must have spent the entire day hauling large rocks from the vacant lot and had made a floor and built walls out of rocks.  It was not very large and the walls were less than two feet high but it was definitely "good" as far as my brother and I were concerned.  We had a fort, not just any fort but a rock fort.  She had even left an opening that served as a door.  To this day I remember how excited and surprised we were.  My Mother has probably forgotten the day she spent hauling rocks and designing a luxury fort for her children, but that example of selflessness has stuck with me throughout my life.  I am sure we all can think of times someone did something special for us; so as Mothers our goal is too create those "good" memories for our children.

"The Bad" can consist of a child getting a life threatening disease, you or your spouse losing your job, or any trial that challenges your faith and destroys your hope.  Challenges are difficult enough; but when you have a small group of children observing your reactions it can be very stressful.  My husband was diagnosed with cancer when my youngest was six weeks old.  That was definitely "the bad" for me and my family.  I have to admit I lost faith and hope for a period of time and that trickled down to my children.  When the leader (Mom) loses her vision the tribe (children) follows that lead.  Two of my children were at very impressionable stages (Jr. High) and both have struggled to have a positive outlook.  I learned that I cannot rewrite history but I can encourage my children to persevere regardless of what life throws at them.  Interestingly enough those two children have grown into young adults that face life head on and both have the attitude of "never give up".  They were shaped by "the bad" but into something good!  So if you are facing "the bad" right now know that it will end.  You can survive and "the bad" can transform your family in a good way if you keep your faith and your hope.  

"The Ugly" is just that "ugly"!  It may be the time you lost your cool with your three year old or your children witnessed an ugly argument with your spouse.  It is the event that you wish you could erase or push a button and rewind history.  Unfortunately we cannot but we can do our best to not let the ugly event determine our future.  If you lost your temper once or twice it is not the end of the world but if it is a constant in your life, get help and get help quickly.  Ugly is a broad heading that covers a lot of behaviors we wish we were not capable of but the reality is we are human and as humans we fall.  But we only fail our children when we continue in "ugly" behavior; not if we learn from it.  Don't be afraid to apologize to your children.  They are little human beings and if they have been the target or victim or your behavior you need to apologize and stop the behavior or get help!

Dealing with "Mommy's Law"

Do you ever have days that you wonder, "Why did I get out of bed?"  I think everyone has those days; but Moms have the added stress of dealing with little ones on those days.  A two year old has no concept of a "bad" day!  They go about their day:  singing, skipping, and living life to the fullest.  While you just want a little peace and quiet.

Leaving your house to run errands can turn into a nightmare on those days you are struggling.  Just getting ready to go involves challenges:  finding shoes, hair ribbons, a hairbrush, favorite baseball cap/toy, or getting teeth brushed; all the tasks you do routinely when going somewhere with your child.  But on a "off" day or a low energy day these tasks are challenging and frustrating.  You just want your child to find their shoes and they are nowhere to be found.  If you’re running late the stress level skyrockets for everyone; forget "Murphy's Law" you are now operating under "Mommy's Law" -- If you are late your child will be uncooperative.

By the time you have your child and/or children buckled in the car or car seats you may feel like crying.  But the fun does not end there.  You still must drive to your destination.  If you have never had the experience of driving with a fussy child and/or children on a "off" day emotionally be very thankful.  When you factor in traffic, a noisy child and a distraught Mom you have a recipe for disaster brewing within the confines of a small space.  How can you divert disaster?  Personally I am an advocate of a sound proof clear wall separating the driver from the passengers; but since that is not going to happen how can you cope?  

First of all remember they are only small children, there behavior is not a personal attack although it may feel personal.  I am not a fan of entertaining small children by placing them in front of a TV; but I am a fan of peace and quiet while I try to drive in traffic!  If you are able to purchase a DVD player for your car you will avoid numerous grey hairs popping out when traveling with children; whose sole goal is to get a response from you:  positive or negative. Add headphones to your shopping list (for the children not you) so you do not have to listen to the "Lion King" four hundred times. Garage sales are a good place to find affordable electronics. If you are like me and live in rural America shop online.  

Music does calm the "savage beast" or in this case the "savage child", so if you have kid friendly music now is the time to play it.  Personally I have every Disney song and Dr. Suess book memorized; an accomplishment that society may not value but a skill that has allowed me to raise seven children and remain relatively sane.  If you have older children bring along the Dr. Seuss books, even if your older child cannot read they can entertain younger children by making up stories or just looking at the pictures.   My children loved the "Where's Waldo" books in fact they loved them so much not one of the seven or eight Waldo books survived my children.  Another good option is any of the Usborne books "Things to Spot"  these are similar to the  "Where's Waldo" books but they are wonderfully illustrated books of animals, bugs, sea creatures and other fun subjects that list things to spot on each page.  To be honest these books are fun for the whole family.  We spent hours sitting on the couch trying to find that one last sea urchin.   These books did survive my children but they are held together by Texas glue:  Duct Tape.

Hungry or thirsty children are unhappy children so be prepared.  Convert an old diaper bag into your travel bag and grab a few juice boxes or bottled water before you head out the door.  You can keep Ziploc bags of cheerios, pretzels or every child's favorite "gold fish" in the bag; so if the TV, music and favorite toy does not work you can try snacks.

So when you are struggling and cannot avoid confinement in a small place with small loud human beings preparation on your good days will pay huge dividends.  If you "fail to plan" you "plan to fail" so pack your travel bag and equip your car with DVDs, CDs, books, toys and most importantly snacks!  You still may not be able to calm yourself or your child but at least you have a fighting chance.  Most of all remember they do grow up and as they get older you will have peace and quiet in the car because they will have on headphones listening to music and you may even long for the days that they wanted to "talk" to you.  They grow up fast so cherish the moments.

Cheerleader

When your children are young you are their cheerleader.  Cheering them on in baseball, basketball or any number of sports activities; encouraging them if they are artists, musicians or dancers.  Buying chemistry sets if they love science.  Scouring stores for detective books if they want to be one when they "grow up". As a Mom you will "freeze" as you sit on metal bleachers or every spring get the "baseball" sunburn.  This is the sunburn that happens when you forget sunscreen and you are stuck at a ballpark for eight hours.  It usually is on one side of your body and if you wear glasses you will look like an owl when you take them off.  You will stand in long, crowded, lines to buy the perfect gift.  As a Mom you feel this gift will help them achieve their goal on one day becoming that chemist, ballerina, artist, baseball player or fill in the blank.  You will stay up late in the night helping them complete school projects that they have had three months to do; but somehow forgot until the night before the project was due.  Why?  Why does a parent go the extra mile for a child?  Because we are driven by love, we may not be perfect, we may not have all the answers, we may not always have the money our children think they need, but we love our children!

Yesterday I started a blog called "Discouragement" and as I wrote it I too became discouraged.  I kept thinking why would anyone want to read this?  Who am I write a blog on parenting?  So I stopped writing and turned off my computer.  Last night I woke up at around 3:00 AM and could not sleep, so I took out my Kindle and looked at Facebook, read the news and still I could not sleep.  So I opened a book I bought called "Start" by Jon Acuff.  The reason I had bought this book was because my oldest daughter, Sarah, had encouraged me to read it. My daughter encouraged me!  She also encouraged me to write this blog.  In fact she set it up for me; interesting the same daughter that I encouraged, encouraged me.

As I read the book, which I highly recommend by the way, I realized that sometimes you just have to do what the author says:  START.  So this is my "Start".  But instead of just encouraging Moms, I will begin by introducing myself to you and my journey in Motherhood.  Then you can judge if my encouragement and dare I say "insight" is valid.  Since I have been married for thirty one years and have seven children I will write my story in a number of blogs. 

 But for today as you encourage your children realize this at some point they will become your cheerleader.  So as you invest encouragement in your children know this is one investment that pays great dividends.  Thank you Sarah for the encouragement and recommending "Start"!

The Line in the Sand

The debate rages over how to school your children.  We all hope the choice we have made is the best for our children; whether we home school our children or send them to a public or private school.  Sometimes we falsely believe that what we have chosen is the only path and exclude those that choose differently.  We draw "a line in the sand" without even realizing it.  This can make those that have gone a different route feel judged and inferior.  But we are all Moms facing similar challenges regardless of how we educate our children.

My husband and I taught at a private school when our oldest daughter started school; so we sent her off to Kindergarten at the school where we taught.  She had a wonderful teacher and loved school, but my sister had begun to home school and encouraged me to do the same.  We were both young Mothers trying to do what was best for our children; so I began the journey as a "Home School" Mom.  I truly enjoyed being with my children and teaching them.  Although there were times I wished the yellow bus was picking my children up for the day!

It was an interesting journey filled with highs and lows.  This journey continued for me until the year 2002 when my husband's cancer came back and we were faced with difficult choices.  Ultimately I went to work and my husband schooled the children for one year at home; until we decided to put all of our children into Public School.   We both came to the realization that where we schooled our children:  home, private or public did not seem to positively or negatively impact them; but the level of our involvement had a major impact on their behavior.  The more involved and supportive we were the more our children excelled and were content.

My encouragement to all the Moms out there struggling with this issue is:  love and support your children and if they are struggling in an environment don't be afraid to change.  There is no one size fits all in education.  Everyone is different.  As Moms we all face the same challenges; so reach out to each other regardless of how your children are educated.  Education should not be a "line in the sand" that divides.

The Energizer Bunny

The energizer bunny has nothing on a child who is wound up from a day of playing with friends, going to a party or traveling in car all day.  The list goes on.  Unfortunately, as a Mom your energy is depleted by the very activities that excite your child.  When your child has friends over you are constantly picking up after them, preparing "snacks", cleaning up after the "snacks" or refereeing minor skirmishes while trying to accomplish your daily goals.  Those goals might be:  teaching other children if you home school or if you work from home, calling clients.  You might be trying to clean your home or prepare a "real" meal for the family.  By the time the play date is over you are exhausted, but your child is flying high ready to conquer new worlds.  My Mom used to say "They are bouncing off the walls" and I think that just about describes it.  

This situation is a ticking time bomb.  Your tired and they are not!  Children are like military strategists; they sense your weakness and they attack.  Every request turns into an argument. They know you are struggling and the feel your frustration, but do they back off and obey?  No, the skirmish turns into a battle and if you are not careful the battle can quickly turn into a war.  A dear friend who encouraged me as I raised my children taught me to pick my battles, so ultimately I could win the war.   This sounds very easy, but I can testify it is not!  Sometimes you just want instant obedience without the battle and you are ready and willing to go to war to accomplish this.   But wars are bloody and someone always gets hurt; so ask yourself is it worth a war?  Can I find a way to retreat today and come back to the battle another day when I am rested and my child is not exhausted and reacting to outside stimuli?

I have found that the time to discipline my children is not when I am tired and cranky, but when I am refreshed.  As my children grew I learned a very valuable lesson:  tired children misbehave.  But the interesting thing about a tired child is that the more exhausted they become the more energetic they appear.  They can literally run in circles.  They do not want to go to sleep, rest, sit down, or watch TV.  They will not do anything that would allow their body to give into the rest it craves.  So they kick it up another notch and play harder, so they do not fall asleep and miss a moment of life.  Wow, think about that for a minute a child does not want to miss one moment of life because they enjoy it.  They relish every moment and are not willing to give up even one to rest.  

So, Moms I encourage you to allow them to enjoy the moments and realize when you are exhausted and they are "bouncing off the walls" that they are exhausted too. Any battle that occurs at that time usually ends in tears for both you and your child.  Sometimes there is no avoiding the battle, but if there is a way out, take it and fight the battle another day!

Got Kids?

Small but powerful...tiny but capable of bringing an adult to their knees...speechless but possessing the ability to pierce an eardrum...the human infant.  A baby is a puzzle that arrives with no instructions.  The moment that infant is placed in your arms your life changes forever!  There is no turning back you are no longer the person you were just moments ago.  Squalling, red and wrinkled often resembling a balding old man yet love fills your heart and soul and your entire world shifts.  It is no longer just about you; the birth of a child is not only the beginning of a new life but the beginning of new journey, the journey into parenthood.  Your life is divided into two parts just like history; B.C and A.C.:  "Before Children" and "After Children".

My moment came on September 11, 1983 the time is documented on a birth certificate filed in a courthouse in Denton, Texas.  My only recollection is of a a never ending night under florescent lights; time held no meaning.  One moment I was in such intense pain that I thought I might die the next a squirmy, slimy creature was placed in my arms and I was transformed forever.  Before that moment life was all about me.  What I wanted, what I thought, how I felt, my dreams, my goals but in the blink of an eye I became  a "Mom"; I was now responsible for making others matter.  It wasn't that I no longer mattered but the living breathing child that I held in my arms depended on me and my husband for everything so she mattered more.

I did not become a Mom overnight but began the journey in the early morning hours of that September morning.  I am still on the journey and it is a journey that continues until I leave this earth.  The journey into Motherhood begins quietly and takes you down roads you never envisioned you would travel.  There are potholes and detours and breathtaking experiences.

The moment that tiny bundle is placed in your arms you are given the title of Mother, but how do you earn the title of Mother.  Is a person just naturally a good Mom?  Or is Motherhood made up of daily, weekly or even moment by moment choices?  If it is about choices what is the choice?  I believe it is to make others matter, a choice to put your child's needs before your own.  Why?  Doesn't a Mom have a "right" to happiness?   Yes and yes! But by giving yourself to your children you will be transformed and you will experience real joy.

I am a Mom of seven children and yes I do know what causes that.  My husband, David and I have been married for over 30 years.  When we first got married my husband told me he wanted ten children.  I would laugh and respond "Yeah you and five wives!"

I wasn't the little girl who spent hours poring through wedding magazines and planning the names of my children.  Children never factored into my plans; occasionally I thought of what I might name a child but having children was not my life goal.  If anything I viewed motherhood as interfering with "my plans", "my goals" and "my dreams". 

I had no idea that everything would pale in comparison to the world of "motherhood" for me.   I have never had a job that is more difficult, challenging, exhausting: mentally, physically and spiritually.  Yet I have never had a more rewarding or fulfilling job than Motherhood.   There is no experience in my life that compares to watching one of my children succeed in an endeavor or fail in an endeavor but get back up and try again.  I cannot count the hours of missed sleep rocking a sick infant or toddler, nor the sleepless nights waiting for a teenager to arrive home safely or the nights spent praying for one of my children to find their way.  

I have been vomited on, peed on and used as a pillow.  Used as a pillow does not sound too bad until your child exceeds 70 pounds and launches himself into your lap and bony knees and elbows gouge your ribs and stomach.  I have had to constantly remind my children that I am not a pillow or a couch but a live human being.  But despite all this the joy of Motherhood is indescribable.  My children bring life to my soul.  They are my masterpiece, my life's work.

The purpose of this blog is to encourage Moms and those of you thinking about becoming a Mom.  My children range from 12 years old to 29 years old and there were days that I needed to hear someone say there is a purpose in what you are doing.  So I will be that someone to you!  I was a stay at home Mom who home schooled for almost 18 years until my husband was diagnosed with cancer when our youngest son was six weeks old.  I went from stay at home Mom to corporate Mom overnight and for the past 12 years I have juggled raising children with running a company that required extensive travel so I have been on both sides of the fence: stay at home Mom and working Mom.  So if you need some encouragement from someone who has been there done that and not only has a T-shirt but an entire wardrobe stay tuned for more blogs.